Redditor launches scathing attack on Newcastle, its fans and players

You may or may not be familiar with Reddit. For those who don’t know, it’s a popular social networking website where users can share content, comment on existing content and up-vote/down-vote contributions by other members. Essentially it is like an online bulletin board system.
It’s actually a great way to find content that is going to go viral on the internet before the likes of Lad Bible get hold of it and post it in their usual, click-bait style.
On doing a search for content related to Newcastle, we came across a post in the ‘soccer’ subreddit (a subreddit is the term used for a category of content related to a specific topic).
The post, made by Redditor with the username Bill_Murray_Movies, has the title ‘Teams I Hate In The Spotlight #2: Newcastle United F.C.
As mentioned before, people on Reddit can vote up or down on a post, which is a way of giving feedback. The more ‘upvotes’ a post gets, the more visible it becomes on Reddit – as it is assumed it is ‘worthy’ content.
This particular post has received 2431 positive votes and over 800 comments – so his opinion obviously made an impact!
 

 
Below we will quote some of the things he wrote in his post, which is very uncomplimentary to Newastle United and its fans to say the least…

Newcastle United – a team so desperate to be viewed as the ‘King of the North’ that they tried to marry a Stark. The most illustrious and grandest team in all of England as long as the barometer of measurement is not winning trophies. A club that specialises in mass underachievement and catastrophic hilarity. Newcastle United play in a black and white kit – a throwback to when their fans used to watch their side win trophies on their black and white televisions.

Wow – what an introduction! Next he talks about the history of NUFC…

Newcastle United – a team so desperate to be viewed as the ‘King of the North’ that they tried to marry a Stark. The most illustrious and grandest team in all of England as long as the barometer of measurement is not winning trophies. A club that specialises in mass underachievement and catastrophic hilarity. Newcastle United play in a black and white kit – a throwback to when their fans used to watch their side win trophies on their black and white televisions.

He goes on to talk more about the history of Newcastle (there’s a link to the full text at the bottom of this article) before talking about more recent events at St James’. He does however give a couple of compliments when talking about the early Keegan years…

His team played the game in a manner in which it should be played: with freedom, flair, creativity, and a passion to entertain. All this culminated in the scintillating 1995-1996 season in which Newcastle United were fighting with Manchester United for domestic supremacy.

Then he goes back to slating the club…

The Newcastle of 2015, while back in the Premier League, are still shit. Keeping with tradition, their players still regularly rebel, incompetency runs wilder than Hulkamania at board level, and managerial appointments remain bewildering. The future is bright for revered historians such as myself in that the club continues to supply content for ridicule in abundance.

His comments about Newcastle fans are particularly offensive…

Newcastle fans are famous for being obese, not wearing much in terms of clothing and being possessed by delusions of grandeur.
Their fans are always quick to tell you how fantastic their support is, even suggesting that they rank first amongst all others in England. However, considering they all reside in a one team city in which the only other form of entertainment is watching drunken men belligerently fight cars as if they where on a bonus round of Street Fighter, it’s not the magnificent feat they would have outsiders believe. To help the city and its occupants cope with Newcastle United and their rich history of depression inducing catastrophe, a local resident created a brand of alcohol which was universally adopted by fans. Symbolically, ‘Newcastle Brown Ale’ was introduced to the city in 1927 – the last year in which Newcastle United won the league title. It has been used as a coping mechanism and a way to artificially enhance the attractiveness of their team since.
Famous fans of Newcastle United include warmonger Tony Blair and intellectual warmongers Ant & Dec.

Next, he moves on to talk about Shearer…

The man with less personality than a dead horse. Now famous for being boring on Match of the Day, Shearer regularly takes exciting matches and puts a verbal bullets between their eyes with his analysis. Who would have thought a man would such an exhilarating celebration would not contain an equally matching personality. Despite all the grief I give Shearer it is genuinely difficult to not appreciate the man. For a number of years now he has proven that it is actually possible to live with a testicle for a head – a truly incredible achievement.

And then Mike Ashley…

Due to perfectly fitting the Geordie Nation criteria of being a fat whopper, Ashley was able to parade around local bars and even traversed the terraces in his ‘Alan Smith 17’ replica shirt. During his tenure, Mike Ashley has managed to get away with making some of the worst managerial appointments in the history of football, lying to the fans about the sale of the club, threatened to rename the stadium to the Sports Direct Ltd Arena, and being all round good egg for every football fan who doesn’t support Newcastle. Fly high you golden God. We all believe in you.

Before ending his submission with a short conclusion…

Go fuck yourself, Newcastle United.

If you want to see the full submission, click the following red text – Teams I Hate In The Spotlight #2: Newcastle United F.C.
It appears that this Reddit user is a Everton fan judging by a couple of his comments in the full piece and also due to the fact his first post, Teams I Hate In The Spotlight #1, was about Liverpool.
 

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